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Do you listen?

“People don’t listen to understand. They listen to reply. The collective monologue is everyone talking and no one listening.”

Stephen Covey

Today I invite you to be with a form of this message from the late, Stephen Covey. First, personalize it like this:

“I don’t listen to understand. I listen to reply. In my conversations, everyone is talking and no one is listening.”

Then, walk through the conversations of your days, the relationships – intimate and casual, professional and not – and ask yourself:

What is true for me?
Where do I not listen?

From there, ask:

What am I missing out on?
What am I ready to change?

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Are you REALLY listening?

When was the last time you were honored by another’s deep listening? When was the last time you gave the gift of 100% attention to their story?

In today’s world, multi-tasking, e-mail and text communications, being overly busy with no time to pause are all too often the norm. Being fully present with another human being, just receiving all the other needs to share, without fixing, correcting, hurrying or shortchanging, is rare.

What does deep listening sound like, look like?

  • make eye contact
  • open, inviting posture
  • show that you are hearing with messages like: I’m so happy for you! or I’m sorry you had to go through that. or even, I’m noticing resistance in me-please help me understand you.
  • show you are interested with invitations like: Tell me more. or How can I support you? or What’s next with your idea? or You are so passionate about this – what makes it important for you?

What does deep listening feel like?

If you don’t know, then begin to offer it to others. Experience deep listening as the listener, the giver. You may find it so satisfying that you don’t often need to be the speaker! If, however, you DO want to be heard, ask for what you need.

What will we create in our world through the simple act of listening?

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Baseball Part II: The Grand Slam

Last time, we talked about the home run and what it takes to achieve this feat. And it takes a lot! Today we’re going to talk about the Grand Slam – hitting a home run when the bases are loaded.

What’s the difference between a home run and a grand slam?

The real difference is this: it takes a team to create a grand slam from your home run. You cannot do it alone! All the preparation in the world, all the weightlifting, all the practice, all the strike outs, everything that leads to the perfect match between the pitch and your swing and results in a home run will never produce a grand slam without your teammates’ prior arrival on first, second and third.

What is your grand slam?
Who do you need on your team?
What leadership does your team need?
What now?

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What if YOU are exactly what I need?

Imagine a challenging relationship in your life. Maybe it’s your supervisor or a co-worker; maybe a family member, in-law, spouse; maybe it’s your nosey next door neighbor. Regardless, imagine just one person who challenges you, who you find hard to be with, hard to feel compassion for, hard to love. Got it?

What if this relationship is a gift from the Universe?
What if this person is a teacher with a lesson your life is ready for?

What if YOU are exactly what I need?

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You Already Know

The truth is, you already know. “Know what?”, you ask. You know a lot more about what you want, what works, what feels empowering – and not, what you need “now” than you are willing to claim. Why is that? What stops you from stating your desires clearly?

Consider this: Just because “it” is what you want or need or works best for you … doesn’t mean you will insist on receiving it. Sometimes, just getting clear inside about what would most honor “me” is enough.
Continue reading “You Already Know”