Category: Tidbits of Wisdom

I am just home from a gentle yoga practice during which tears came – again. It isn't the first time. Nor will it be the last. I have come to know, however, that they are significant and there is a message. Today, when I asked my body what they meant, I heard:

Listen to me. I know how to heal myself. Allow me. I want to be strong and whole for you. Allow me. Let me release these tears.

Let me fully let go, relax. I will knit sore muscles back together. Allow me. I will return to wholeness. Allow me.

My intention for the practice was “Gentleness. Listen to the body and move slowly.” You see, I have been on a journey back to health that recently included a 3 week fast from yoga. And that was hard, very hard. Returning to the mat, it is absolutely vital that I return slowly, ease the body into its natural flexible state without reinjuring torn hamstrings, ligaments and triceps.

And this isn't the easiest thing I've ever done! In fact, it is so hard for me to let go of physical health, activity, and ego satisfaction that this lesson has returned to me over and over and over again! Let's see — first there was the back. Then the hamstrings. Then the wrists. Then the hamstrings and buttocks (over and over and over again since last summer). And, thanks to a “wrong” swing on the racquetball court last Monday, I've added the right triceps to the mix.

Stubborn? Who, me? What is this really about?

I believe we will continue to receive “gifts” which can teach us provided we receive them and actually learn our lesson. Some of the lessons I seem to need repeatedly include:

• Listen to the body
• Be with what is
• Allow life to flow through me

Tears for me, on and off the mat, are life flowing through me and stuckness moving on. Today, I paused when they came. I listened. I allowed myself to “be with what is” in that moment.

Moving forward, can I remain so willing? Can I listen to my body and continue to allow the healing process – in the body's time, not mine? In this moment, this is my intention. Will you help me? Will you hold a powerful thought around my willingness to listen and obey my body?

What gifts, repeatedly offered, do you reject?
What are the tears in your life?
What are the torn muscles in you that are begging for healing?

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What goes on in you when you hear the phrase, “self-love”? Do you experience:

• Ah, yes!
• I'm not loveable.
• What's that?
• How selfish and self-serving!
• Something else?

Recently, Maripat Abbott of Manifesting Possibilities and I had a conversation about self-love and we went so far as to suggest that self-love is the answer to humanity's challenges.

“What?” you ask. “If that is the case, we end up with a world of self-serving, self-absorbed, selfish people who can't think of anything but their own well-being.”

Really? I'd like to point you at two readings and then invite you back for some discussion:

Self-Love from Wikipedia
The Golden Rule, with a twist!

Take a moment to really soak up the ideas you just read. Imagine yourself and each person in your life experiencing self-love as Erich Fromm proposed:

“… loving oneself means caring about oneself, taking responsibility for oneself, respecting oneself, and knowing oneself (e.g. being realistic and honest about one's strengths and weaknesses). He proposed, further, that in order to be able to truly love another person, a person needs first to love oneself in this way.”

… imagine your spouse and children, your boss and co-workers, those who serve you in restaurants, stores, automobile shops, teachers, spiritual leaders, politicians, homeless persons and those critically ill, those in your country and around the world … everyone!

Imagine the opposite for a moment. Imagine people who do not respect or take responsibility for themselves, who do not acknowledge their strengths or weaknesses but live in a place of their imagination concerning who they are. Imagine everyone trying to take care of the “other” without regard to themselves.

What do you see?
What happens when you travel 100% to either end of the spectrum?
What would you like to vision for humanity?

If it is still hard for you to hear that “self-love” is essential, or more – that it might be the cure for the world's ills:

What would allow you to open just a bit to the idea?
Where might you practice a bit more self-love?
Who will you invite into your practice?

Afraid to be the first? Afraid to shift from volunteering, serving, helping, denying yourself into self-love? Afraid of judgment? Just one more thought for you:

Be the Change
Feel the fear and do it anyway. Do it anyway and notice. Notice what you feel and subsequently what you do. Notice also what happens around you when you live from a place of self-love. Are you rubbing off on people? Are you setting a new trend? Are you spreading love by living in and being love?

We'd like to invite you into the conversation. Share your thoughts. Share your experiences. Share your practices. Share with those around you and invite them into the conversation as well!

If Self-Love is the answer, and Be the Change is the path,
what shifts will you make today?

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Aren't you? Imagine what it's like when you are bursting with news and have no one to share with. Or maybe life has delivered a heavy blow and you just need to be held – perhaps literally – but certainly figuratively by being listened to.

Yet, how often do we move through the activities of our days: driving, shopping, making meals, doing our job, saying “Hi” and even “How are you?” to friends and family members … without really being present to the moment and their response? We often intentionally don't engage in conversation with the person next to us in line, the cashier at the store, the janitor in our office building. And, if the other person asks something of us, how often do we think (and sometimes say), “I don't have time for this.” What are we putting out into the world when we half-heartedly talk to someone while thinking “I don't have time for this!”?

I would love to say that I have never been guilty of “physically present, mentally and/or emotionally in another country” … but I have. In fact, when my children were young, I venture to guess this could have been 50% of the time – or more! Not something I am proud of. And, while as a coach I've learned a lot about deep listening, it is my 27 year old son who just recently taught me a very big lesson. I overheard a phone conversation that went something like this:

Can't I talk to a person? I want to make an appointment to give blood. No … don't connect me to the voice tree! HANG UP. CALL BACK. I just called. I want to make an appointment with a real live human being.

Once he was assured that the person would stay on the line, I heard him ask how they were, laugh, delight in simple connection with another human being. It was a powerful example for which I am very grateful. Now, each time I call to get information or make an appointment, I try to remember to ask “How are you?” or to notice that I was “on hold forever” and comment, “You must be so busy today … how are you?”

Yet what a gift we give when we share our heart with another through 100% presence, listening, caring! In his keynote, “People are Dying to be Heard”, Ben Merens of Wisconsin Public Radio's At Issue invites us to consider this deeply and become willing to make a difference in people's lives through the simple gift of our undivided attention.

He goes on to remind us to listen to ourselves, our inner voices, our inner truth. Even if we give ourselves only a few minutes a day first thing in the morning, this sends a message to our spirit that we matter. And, it is a natural side-effect of personal experience that, when we some to value something, we are more likely to give it away! When we show ourselves that we matter by taking the time to listen to our inner voice, or by asking another to be with us and simply listen, in turn we naturally begin to extend that gift to those around us.

Try it! Prove it to yourself! Start by offering yourself the gift of Ben's message as delivered to Unity of Appleton on April 29, 2012 (and Part II). Follow that with a very special piece of music written and performed by Jana Stanfield:

If You'll Just Listen To Me (recording)

If you still aren't convinced, take a deep breath. Consider making a commitment to notice. For a day or two, maybe a week, just notice the many people that cross your path. What percentage of them do you talk to? Have a thought about? Have a relationship with? Then, consider asking:

I wonder what that person is thinking?
I wonder what makes them happy?
I wonder what weighs heavy on their heart?

Then, when you are good and ready, take your experiment public – ask them! Maybe you start with the person ringing up your groceries. You see their nametag. You ask:

How are you today, Mary?
What time do you get to go home, John?
…

More than anything, take time then to listen to your heart.

What does it feel like to acknowledge someone?
What does it feel like to be greeted in return?
What energy is in the space because you listened?

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If you know me, you are saying, “DUH! Jeanne, what could possibly have you writing about this? We all KNOW you are a creative! We see it in you all the time.”

To that I respond, “But I’ve just figured out what that really means!” And I want to tell you about the discovery.

So please, bear with me. Perhaps there is a message for you as well.

Last weekend, I was feeling blah. And the blah was infiltrating my preparation for Sunday morning and the music that I share at Unity of Appleton. For those of you who don’t know me, I sing, play a few instruments, and I am a songwriter. For about 5 years, I spent many hours each week pondering the upcoming Sunday message, growing my spiritual understanding around the topic, and often writing a song tailored to this new understanding. Recently, I not only haven’t been pondering the topics, I haven’t been writing songs. And “blah” was present but I didn’t know why.

I have been here before, a few years ago. And I took a long sabbatical from Sunday morning. At that time, I wasn’t sure but suspected that Unity simply wasn’t for me anymore. My belief system was intact and very much in alignment with Unity, but it seemed to be time for something different. Yet, after a year, I went back to Sunday mornings …

Fast forward to last Sunday and the “return of the blahs”.

I assumed it was time to be done with Unity – again. Hear this – if that statement is true, then this is a VERY MAJOR SHIFT in my life! This is a community I have belonged to for 17 years. The people are amazing. The experience on Sunday morning (regardless of what I imagine ahead of time) is uplifting. This is a place where I play with my music publicly on a regular basis. Letting this go would be VERY DIFFICULT!

So I paused.

I paused and talked it through with an unbiased friend, a fellow seeker of meaning in this lifetime. After my monologue, Wendy (thank you!) looked at me and said, “Jeanne, you are a creative!”
Oh! I am a creative! This means that the act of creating turns me on. Writing a new song, not singing an old one, excites me. Exploring a new topic, not getting a new spin on an old one, excites me. Writing a blog entry, not passively reading another's, excites me. I am a creative! I am most alive when I am creating.

What does this mean for me? It means that I need to be aware of and honor this truth about me. When I’m asked to do something, or participate in something, I need to consider how it will interact with my inner creator.

Is there an element of creativity?
Is it a passive activity that could be boring?
If so, does it mean so much to me that this doesn’t matter?
Or, is it not mine to do?

Here is an example. Following this discovery about me and creativity, I was asked to serve on a board as secretary. Now, I want to be of service to this organization. I have all the needed skills to do the work. The position would allow me to build many new relationships. Of course I should say “yes”, yes? No. Not this year anyway. I was a board secretary a few years back. I was pretty darn good at it too! But, the act of taking minutes at all meetings takes me out of the creativity game during the meetings and for the time it takes to do the work afterwards.

So, for today anyway, I need NOT add the type of service which doesn’t allow me to be fully in the creativity game. Someday? Probably. Today, NOT!

The end of that story? I also learned that the organization needed a webmaster. Can I do this? Yes! Is it service? Yes. Is there an element of creativity? Yes. Does it allow me to meet and get to know more people in the organization? Yes. Will I be free to interact creatively at meetings? Yes. Might this be a more appropriate type of involvement for Jeanne, the creative? Yes!

So why am I sharing this with you? Well, I have a belief that people are happier, more alive, more positive, more fulfilled, and contribute more when they know, understand, accept and act from the truth of their being.

I am NOT all things to all people.
I am NOT meant to do everything – even if I can do it!

Imagine if you and everyone around you were engaged in activities, relationships, service, even play that fully engaged you at depth? Imagine the energy in this world! Imagine the freedom, lightness, joy! Are you ready and willing to make choices for yourself that honor your truth? Consider then, asking yourself these questions when confronted with the next decision:

Am I capable?
Do what extent do I enjoy this activity?
What personal values does this serve?
What degree of passion do I experience in this activity?
What part of me would I need to withhold?
What would I need to release in order to add this? Is it a healthy trade-off?
Is now the right time?

If any of these questions are challenging because you struggle to identify values or passion or you haven’t yet claimed your talents and strengths, consider working with a life coach. This is core work in a coaching relationship and fundamental groundwork for living life powerfully!

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Good morning. I'm here this morning to share my experience of the last 48 hours. I wasn't going to – just hadn't thought about it. Yet, I received an e-mail today expressing gratitude to me for this blog and the inspiration received. That's a gift! To hear that something I've put out into the world has made a difference for another makes my heart open and my spirit sing. It is food to continue on the path! So … thank you Jon!

Here goes. My last 48 hours were spent doing final preparations for and attending the Mind, Body, Spirit wellness event at the local technical college, FVTC. My part was to have a “vendor booth” for Songs For Your Spirit life coaching, and do two workshops: Inspired to Act on Your Dreams and Touched by Music. I am one who plans ahead so this wasn't meant to be hard. In fact, “final preparations” to me meant getting to the yoga studio, meditating, some singing, getting a good night's sleep. Yes, that's about it. I even had lunch with a new friend scheduled – oh, and volleyball! Actually, that sounds pretty ideal!

Kaboom! By Friday morning, I was aware that the soreness in my mouth needed attention. And, the occasional intense pain was becoming INTENSE and the dentist suggested root canal. However, he could only fit me in on Monday. I don't like to complain, and I am very aware that many of you reading this have dealt with much larger physical issues. But, this was the kind of pain that is all-consuming and everything I thought I needed to do became impossible:

• Sing? When I couldn't do anything but cry and focus on the pain?
• Yoga? As soon as I turned upside down the first time the intensity went up. Half-way through the class I switched to savasana and my body started crying.
• Sleep? I didn't get much on Friday night. Saturday morning, 4:45 am, came way too early!

This is an article about gratitude – or have I forgotten? No, I haven't. Here is the rest of the story and the “angels” that supported me through this experience. When I went to my sacred space on Saturday morning to journal and get centered, I found wisdom from my leadership journey and wrote the words:

I don't know what to do. Let go.
Then I noticed the card that a friend recently urged me to purchase. It has one word:

Trust
Thank you, Tina! Next, it's gratitude for e-mail and a friend of 27 years. As soon as I wrote, “Dear April,” the tears poured out. Do you have that safe haven where you can let go of absolutely everything and just be you – whatever that is in the moment? I do – and I am SO blessed. Ten minutes of release – of knowing that my friend would hear and understand and support me spiritually was just what I needed. The intensity of the pain was easing off. The next angel is my husband, Jamie. I received the gift of understanding as he witnessed my tears and knew I needed to let them go. And when I asked for the specific help he could give me – loading my car then following me to the event and carrying my stuff inside (while still in his PJs) – he said “of course”.

[I am aware that there are many angels and this entry is getting long! I hope you'll stay…]

So, toothache and all, here I was at the event with many smiling, helpful organizers ready to support me. The room for my workshops was set up perfectly and the handouts ready. Again, I couldn't have asked for better. Yet better it gets! The pain was growing and my intention was not to share it with folks but to breathe, pray, and trust that by engaging in my work it would subside. However, a friend, Judy, was present. I'd forgotten she would be there with the essential oils that she teaches about and sells. Ever the skeptic, I've struggled to believe that the oils can do all that it is claimed they do. However, when I shared about my toothache, Judy said, “You need Thieves Oil. Here…” Can you say immediate relief? Yes, really! I used the oil many times throughout the morning and purchased it. I was free to be present to the attendees and to the work that was mine to do in the workshops!

And the gifts don't stop there. More than one person came up to me to say that my coaching cards had been inspiring them and they expressed their gratitude. Attendees in the workshops were truly present and participated courageously. That is a huge gift to everyone – including the presenter! Jason, our assistant, not only participated, but found us a new room and set it up perfectly when we became aware that guitar and singing alongside drumming was not a perfect match.

On my way home, I received a call from a dear friend who needed a friend. Remember how I started the morning – sobbing and releasing and feeling supported? Well, I was able to be there for my friend. And, after 5 1/2 hours of being present to others, she was there for me and invited me to let down (again this day!) and release. My day continued with a nap, dinner with Jamie, and early to bed and 10 hours later, here writing to you.

The intensity of pain has not been present in these last 24 hours. Why? I truly believe that each and every “angel”, each different type of support, and the very act of asking for help worked together to support me during this time. Because I was supported, I know that my presence with others at the event was supportive and helped them hear what they needed to hear. We are never alone. We need each other. And we need to express gratitude and receive it when others shower it upon us.

Consider these two songs:

Circle of Giving
No Private Good

As you move into this day, ask yourself:

What am I grateful for?
What gratitude is mine to express?
With what am I to give YOU the opportunity to help?

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