What’s wrong?

My husband is very perceptive. He can sense with pinpoint accuracy when something’s “off” in me. When he does, he often asks:

“What’s wrong?”

Sometimes, the question is helpful and I can identify and share what I’m preoccupied with and which I might label “bad” or “wrong”.  But, sometimes, there is nothing “wrong” at all and the question puts me in a defensive place.

One thing I appreciate about Buddhism is the message, “it just is” rather than “it’s good” or “it’s bad”, “it’s right – or it’s wrong”.

With that in mind, he and I talked about his question and came up with this reframe: Continue reading “What’s wrong?”

Manifestation of Resistance

Perhaps you have heard the phrase:

What you resist, persists.

When we resist life’s challenges, avoid confrontation and take shortcuts, the underlying problem isn’t resolved. Rather, it persists and eventually returns, perhaps disguised a bit differently. Resisting or avoiding keeps us from living into this message: The only way out is through.

During my training as a life coach, we explored resistance since this keeps people from growing into and expressing the life they want to live. This very helpful visual came with the discussion. Continue reading “Manifestation of Resistance”

Settling?

Often folks come to life coaching for support in living their fullest life, living into their dreams, moving beyond what feels like “settling” for the life experience they seem to be having. So when I heard this:

You are not settling – you are settling into the life you were meant to live.” ~ Polly Hensen

I also heard a momentary disconnect inside followed by:

“Yes! And …”

“Yes!” to looking back at where we have  been, the talents and skills we’ve developed, the relationships which really matter, the values which we hold near and dear.

“Yes!” to settling into the foundation of who we are now. 

“And …”

courageously discerning how we want to expand from this foundation.

Where are you NOW?
What is your foundation made of?
How are you meant to expand from here?
What support does your expansion need?

(in)flexibility

“nothing is possible unless the door is open
a mind full of itself caught up in its own tentacles
living in memory
never hears the whispers from the depth
only in innocence are we vulnerable to reality
only in not-knowing does the light appear”

~ Billy Doyle, The Mirage of Separation

I remember as a teenager thinking, “I will be an adult soon. I’ll graduate from college, get married, and have all the answers I need to succeed in life.”

Okay, pretty silly and naive!

And, gratefully, Continue reading “(in)flexibility”

Patience…

Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the gardener who carefully choose seeds and planted them with extreme love and care, looking back on his work with healthy pride. A few weeks later, before the seeds had sprouted above the dirt, a fellow gardener informs him that the seeds were planted too close together. So, he dug them up and replanted. Many days pass and yet another, wise and trusted, gardener says, “No, those seeds must be planted very close together.” And the gardener dug up and replanted them – again.

How many of those seeds reached maturity by harvest time?

I read this story again recently and began to wonder how often I have taken great care to choose actions and discern what activities are mine to do (and not!). Then, I begin, Continue reading “Patience…”